Archive for November 2007
Orkut Jadagams/Facebook Milap for dummies Vol 1…….
Many are aware of the matchmaking process that is run by the maamis
of South India, and they form an enormous densely knit network of homemakers. For my friends north of the vindhyas it can be compared to the dabbawallahs of Mumbai. Just as a marked dabba will find its way from Chembur to Cuffe Parade, similarly the eligibility of a girl in Jagadamba Centre, Vishakapatnam will reach the households of Mylapore, Chennai. Students in the yoo-yess-af-yaa have their own network that revolves around AID and the respective ISA of each univ. Welcome to the world of orkut jadagams and facebook milap! Social networking sites have created a huge network amongst graduate students and that churns out information raging from jobs, housing and even ahem! louw…..
I wish to propose a few scenarios to prove my point. For all the scenarios stated below, there is a common step that we shall call processX and that is:
- Look up the Indian grad community of that univ on orkut/facebook which will always be “Indians/Desis at XXX”, “XXX Indian/Desi students”, “XXX ISA” (XXX being the name of the univ or the city where it is at).
- Now that you have located your community go ahead and look through the profiles, and as expected you will look at profiles of people from the opp sex.
- You are bound to find at least one person who is connected to you by the rule of six. Else ask your friends to perform processX, but you will find a match.
- Congratulations! Make calls on the weekend (free talktime!) through your common friend, get introduced and you just got access to the information super highway of that univ.
The cases below will all make use of processX
Case1: Your are transferring to another univ or got a job/intern, and hence require temp housing and pointers to the place etc etc. Perform process X, and your new contact will use his weekend minutes to find a place for your stuff and also assist in finding roomates or an appt if your luck is worse than the Karnataka CM.
Case2: You are attending a conference, AID work etc. then use processX to find temp housing. You might also use processX to make a list of interesting ladies in that univ incase you bump in to them. “Hey how about some chipotle?”, She will be thrilled but she doesn’t know that you’ve seen her on the chipotle lovers community! ProcessX can also be used to lookup a female you just saw but managed to get hold of her first name even if its of the boarding pass.
Case3: With all existing students seen in pairs you channelize your energy on the new batch of fall and spring students. Looking up their profiles is important before you commit to the ISA member for picking them up. Last thing you want is to be bombarded by questions for the next 30 mins by someone bilkul thanda or a person whose BF is in another univ. With the growing number of requests for picking up the same person we(ISA) have to result to bidding and persons offering to pick maximum people of our choice win.
Case4: When there is no luck with the new batch you resort to cross-border-terrorism i.e. Perform processX on the univ of your choice and this time you will need a second level contact i.e like your roommate’s childhood friend etc. Once you’ve found yor man, then get info bout the current status of the girl and use scrapology with an ample understanding of her communities to make the first move. You will however need a good profile with many favorable testimonials and an impressive array of interesting communities for a response.
*******Disclaimer*******
Orkut profiles are always not authentic and that profile pic might be the latest Kannada heroine you haven’t heard of!
*******Disclaimer*******
With that I rest my case, additions welcome…
PS: In response to KA
aap…….
Husn bhi aap hain, Ishq bhi aap hain
Jis taraf dekhiye aap hi aap hain
Baaghon mein kamini, Mandir mein moorti
Dekhi na aaj tak yeh khoobsoorati
Ganga bhi aap hain, Jamuna bhi aap hain
Jis taraf dekhoon aap hi aap hain
Update: The song is from the movie Shapath and sung by Anup Goshal and compesed by Bappi Lahiri
If you are in India download it form here, and in the US you can download it from here.
The blue film experience!!!!!!!
Forgive me O Ganesha, for I have sinned. Having done the unthinkable, the unpardonable I stand before you with my head hung in shame. I regret my actions and take a solemn vow to never ever repeat the same. I was lured by a couple of friends and unknowingly became part of the act while my partners in crime were all gleaming with satisfaction as I gave in. I have however now learnt to identify exotic art and will not let my senses trick me into submission once again. I would also like to confess the experience and the rush of emotions in me as I climaxed and collapsed on the chair in exhaustion. I was later awoken by my friends and I particularly enjoyed the last few minutes of the film as they climaxed and we all were tired and drowsy in the end. After the whole nerve-wreaking exercise, I ate like a horse and could have eaten more if not for the cold stares of the waitress. I’ve never heard of people being so hungry after such an experience that most prefer to call as pleasure, but I guess it was my first time and such things are bound to happen.
It all begun on a Sunday morning when the phone rang
he: heya, watcha doin today?
me: umm nuthin much, just the usual sleep-lunch-sleep-dinner-sleep sunday routine
he: gosh, you need to get out. I’ll pick you up in twenty.
me: do you mind telling me, where we goin?
he: do the words ‘exotic art’ entice you?
me: not really, i stay away from all forms of art.
he: you’ve got the flair or else why would you like pink floyd?
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A lot of yada-yada discussing the lyrics of some PF songs inner meaning etc which I wish to skip as they are irrelevant to this post.
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he: watever dude, you’re coming and I wont take no for an answer
me: doesn’t look like I have a choice
he: trust me you’ll love it, and will surely make a post out of it.
me: yea rite, might as well do something instead of the Sunday routine
So we reached the place and it was full of people dressed in their best clothes with the women sporting layers of make up and the men all seriously chatting away. My so-called-friends showed me a photo of the director who they said was one of the best in the business and I was in fact lucky to even be there.
me: hey, this is no art exhibition.
he: cinema is also a form of art, and this is exotic art remember
me: you just wait
he: chill dude, it’s your first time and you are therefore bound to be nervous and finicky
Suddenly everyone goes quite and the music starts. I was just casually looking around me and was soon drawn towards a very beautiful damsel (henceforth BD). I am forced to refrain from describing the maiden as I don’t want her to get stuck in my head again and also the fact that this blog is read by a wider section of the society. My friend nudged me and said “Here’s your lady, what do you have to say now? Shuru ho ja”. We were soon joined by a guy (you’re right a guy!) who had worn nothing underneath his towel and my friend adds that he has a cute ass! If that was not enough we were joined by a whore (interestingly it was her third experience) and an granny who seemed way past seventy. Her vampire red lipstick and nails gave me the shivers but the guy-in-towel (henceforth GIT) hugged her and I guess he felt a connection with her. It was good initially as there were a lot of sounds of oooh-aaah etc and I thought everyone was enjoying it. Soon comes another burly looking man(henceforth BLM) whose eyes tell you he has been drinking all night and it was total mayhem as I sat confused. BLM was brought to balance the equation I presume but his inclusion put things out of control.
Myself and GIT wanted BD, but BD wanted BLM and the whore wanted GIT. Nobody wanted me or the granny and this is when I climaxed and passed out due to exhaustion. I just couldn’t take it anymore but also felt sad for the granny though briefly she seemed interested in GIT and vice versa. I was awakened by a strong smell of perspiration for it was well past two hours since the proceedings had begun. I didn’t realize how long I slept but learnt that the dejected GIT was turned away by the whore as well (confusing eh? same feeling…) and BD momentarily decided to do it with GIT before BLM came and took her. Those two hours actually felt like four nights and I had excruciating pain in my lower back thanks to the uncomfortable and squeaky chair. Exotic art my foot! But everybody was all smiles and my friends liked GIT’s butt a lot in particular (queer assholes).
I regret my actions and swear never to repeat the same ever again even if Mr.Spielberg enters this industry and makes a similar film. O Ganesha, I hope you forgive me and pray that my readers don’t leave me for writing such a post.
PS: Saawariya is boring, contrived and I really fell asleep!
eye-pee-yell…….
If you have been wondering why SRK has been seen around cricketers a lot these days then I think I know why. News just in that the superstar is one of 90 bidders for a franchise from among the teams competing in the $3 million Indian Premier League (IPL) next year.
While the franchisees will also bid for the players, some ‘iconic’ stars like Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid and Sourav Ganguly will play only for home teams.
The other prominent bidders are business tycoon Vijay Mallya, Anil Ambani and Hollywood actor Russel Crowe, a cousin of former New Zealand cricket captain Martin Crowe. The floor price for the bidders has been fixed at $50 million.
It doesn’t stop there, names like England-based Lord Swaraj Paul, Owners of clubs in the English Premier League [EPL] and National Basketball Association (NBA) and a couple of foreign banks have all staked claim for the 8 teams.
SRK has always been associated with cricket through his Pepsi endorsement and is now branded as the lucky mascot of team India. He is in my opinion the zen at the art of media management and a fantastic PR guy. This news explains the following:
I wish SRK owns the Mumbai team because it would be a treat to watch Ramesh Powar sporting a six-pack or Sachin Tendulkar running bare chested on the pitch. Rahul Dravid and Robin Uthappa wearing vampire red like those Kingfisher flight attendants. Anil Ambani has to own the Delhi team while Sehwag and Gambhir take ashirwad from their moms on the pitch using their video enabled Reliance phones. But the best of the lot will be Saurav maximus dada Ganguly, the lone warrior in a Russel Crowe owned Calcutta team full of also-rans.
Bring it on baby!
Are your balls pink???????
Ahem, I know the title of this post sounds really cheeky and boasts of gay overtones. Those of you who have begun celebrating my-coming-out-of-the-closet can come back to earth. I hate to spoil your party but then it’s not about me nor does it have to do anything with the queer eye. Now as MJ sez lets keep things in the closet and go to the reason for this post. Batsmen often have trouble spotting the white ball in ODI cricket towards the death overs. There have been various strategies proposed such as a different ball at each end and the now implemented 35over change. Research has led to a conclusion that pink colored balls tend to retain their color and are easy to spot by batsmen and TV cameras.
The MCC, who are responsible for the laws of cricket, have been testing different colours for the last year, Their head of cricket, John Stephenson, is responsible for the innovation and he told The Times: “Paint tends to flake off white balls and we have asked Kookaburra to produce a batch of pink ones because these show up so much better.
“The challenge is to produce a ball which retains its colour – I doubt it will be any more expensive to produce or buy. I have asked Mike Gatting, the ECB’s managing director of cricket partnerships, to use them in county second XI one-day matches, but we shall start by trying them in fixtures such as MCC v Europe and in the university matches we sponsor.
“My aim would be to use the pink ball in Twenty20 cricket in 2009 and thereafter in one-day international cricket, but this will be dependent on trials and what the ECB thinks.”
Scientists will also test the pink balls for television: orange ones used before left a trail in the dark. Gatting added: “We are trying to make cricket a better game for the players and television and have got past looking at it from a traditionalist’s view.”
Of all the colors in the world why did they have to pick pink? I agree that blue, brown etc are out of question, but what harm has yellow done? I am all for the charge of the yellow brigade! Lord Gatting has probably lost it after being flummoxed by Shane Warne’s ripping leg break which is often referred to as the ball of the century. After Kerry Packer dressed up the mighty West Indies in pink pyjamas, the Caribbeans graduated to maroon. 30 years later, the color will once again be seen on a cricket pitch! You’ve got company SRK, the ECB also subscribes to your tees-saal-baad theory….
Read the full article here
