Dappan koothu…….

movies, matter, mania

2 pee or not 2 pee

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that was the real question. yesterday i had been 2 the passport office in sec’bad. one look @ it n u could say who was the man behind it. zimbly apna CBN! real swanky with mosaic tiles on the walls n black marble tables. central AC n very well illuminated. it was like steppin into mumbai internat’nl airport. the only thing that was missing were the cute ladies in skirts that u c @ the airport.the staff also were very polite, spoke good english (4 a chng in a govt office!) n no under table wrk. ppl follow proper rulz n sit patiently in comfy chairs. there r numerous lines of chairs n u keep movin 4ward everytime sum1 is called. now 2 keep ppl like me busy there is also a cafeteria that serves chips,puffs,soft drinks,tea n coffee. that 2 well maintained n even that bloke speaks english!
now it takes generally over 2 hrs 4 yor turn 2 cum n sittin tight all this while seems a bit unprobable. no wonder the refreshments guy makes a killin. so me 2 kept myself occupied guzzlin glasses of 7’up n lots of chips. turns out me spent nearly 100INR! so finally came my turn an after an agonising 70 mins the lady sweetly smiled @ me verified my docs, took the cash n issued a reciept. i promptly thanked her n walked out. as i stepped out i couldnt help but notice that apna clocktower was gettin a facelift. there were nice lawns, huge gates, fresh flowers n just tempting. since i had nuttin 2 do 4 da rest of da day me went over n sat on the lush green grass. the weather 2 was considerate n the sun had decided 2 apply a medical leave. that left me in tranquility all alone on a mound of grass. actually there was a huge cacophony of cars honkin vigourously on the road. but ironically twas’ very peaceful inside!
now sippin 7’up n sittin tight in a centralised AC system had a slight uneasy feeling. this compounded with the heat outside directly induced a strong climatic chng. in othre words i had 2 take a pee. so i rushed back 2 the passport office n 2 my horror i find there r no urinals or any such facility. the have a good AC system, good cafeteria but no toilets? gosh! so i truged out hopin 2 find a urinal by the street or a paid service. shock again as nothin remotely close found. then i gathered the courage n made up my mind 2 pee by the road. but there wsa nobody else peeing. plus it was lunch time n so a lot of traffic. imagine not a single soul near clock tower wanted 2 pee but me! so my next hope was 2 get 2 the station. i couldnt find an auto so i walked the distance as fast as my feet could go.
i paid the platform ticket least i should be caught in an embarassing situation. i asked the guy near the entrance where it was then i dart of 2 locate the nearest urinal. midway i found the cafeteria n couldnt resist the temptation 2 try out the new earthen cups. even though i don’t drink tea i ordered a cup. this guy now serves me tea in a regular paper cup. so i gave him a lecture on the railway ministers policy n ethinic values plus the supposed advantages of drinkin tea in earthen cups. with a scorn he finally gave me an earthen cup n asked me 2 help meself. i proudly poured the contents into the matka n took a sip. it was hot n i felt something hot near my stomach. 2 my horror the cup was faulty n had a bore. i had tea all over my trouser n my shirt! all this while the guy was grinning, now it was turn 2 lecture me as 2 y they dont use it.
then it struck me i had cum 2 take a pee. on reachin the toilets i find repairs goin on. all the urinals r kept outside, me felt like pissing there itself but the force stopped me. i could now barely walk but decided 2 board a bus n pray 2 god. as i handed the guy my platform ticket, he grinned n said ‘itni jaldi mein the kya?’. he was pointin 2 my wet trousers. shit i hate laloo n his matkas. now with every ounce of strength left in me i somehow manage 2 get 2 the bus stop n into a waitin ‘veera bus’. it was the same bus i had cum in the mornin,i managed 2 get a corner seat in the last row. there i sat prayin with eyes closed, never knew wen i dozed of. this might seem stupid but i was dreamin of urinals! yea urinals of all shapes n colors. i think there was even one made of gold! i woke up instantly n found that it was only Patny Centre. so i tried 2 forget bout urinals n look outside. wat do i c? men urinating like the world was their toilet.
there was this guy peeing with both his hands on his hips! god only knows how he did that. he was a burly guy n this was near balnagar area. then near kukatpally theres was this guy peeing with the cell-phone in 1 hand. i dunno if he was SMSing or tryin 2 call sum1 n tell em’ how he felt 2 pee on the street. but 1 hand u know where n the other on the keypad on his phone. further down near miyapur there’s this really tall guy peeing with his head buried in his chest. probably he was tryin 2 find sumthing down there! the feelin was unbearable now,n i wanted 2 pee in the bus itself. again somehow i took deep breaths n tried 2 meditate,was difficult but it wrkd. fianlly the bus entered familiar territory as i saw the huge gate that read WELCOME TO BHEL. i was overjoyed but disaster struck, the bus was very much empty by now n the driver didn’t bother 2 slow down @ speed breakers. this up n down motion nearly burst my u know wat, it was really painful n i thought that i had ruptured some internal nerve or sumthing like that.
finally came my house n lucky 4 me the stop is right adjacent 2 my house. i jumped of the bus n raced home. it was only a few feet but felt like a marathon, i leaped o’er the gate n banged the door with 1 hand with the other on the bell. my mom was shocked 2 c me as i was real pale, i pushed her aside n sprinted across the hallway. got 2 the toilet n aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

later my mom told me that holdin back the urge 2 pee 4 long hrs could cause serious damage. sumtimes could also b lethal, 1 of the advantages of havin a MSc PHD mom! so listen up ppl, if u wanna pee don’t hesitate. ‘Izzat jay tel lene lekin safety first’. if u have been then thankyou 4 readin.



Written by maxdavinci

July 24, 2004 at 11:24 pm

Posted in laff beta laff

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